Celtic Bonding (M.Brooks)

We went off to Cornwall for some Celtic Bonding
Scaled the dizzy heights of a back street bar in Bodmin
Gregory's girl complained, she thought he was absconding
So he promised to write; at least twice a year
A woman there caught me eye she said "D'ya wanna hump
me?"
But by then I'd drunk about a gallon of scrumpy
Went outside to chuck; it was warm and wet and lumpy
Came back she was gone; I should have stuck to beer

Buggered off to Britany wondering how we'd get on
When we got there we asked for something to write the set on
I asked them in Welsh they answered me in Breton
Will said "Merci beau cou" which means "Thanks;- nice bum!"
Cat said she was keen to try some Breton cider
Gained a local fan and all night he supplied her
Later on when she had had a few inside her
Cat was catatonic, all in the name of fun

CHORUS
Celtic born and Celtic bred
Been Celtic country wand'rin'
You've never had fun on a Saturday night
If you haven't tried Celtic Bonding

We went off to Ireland on the f f f ferry
Drank a bottle of
Powers sank a litre of sherry
Then we downed another, I tell you we got quite merry
Boat began to rock and we began to roll
Staggered off the ferry, firey eyed and bleary
Rolled off to the gig a few miles from Dun Laighrey
Their PA was fucked no bastard there could hear me
But the Craic was good we played with heart and soul

Over the sea to Skye to play in
Saucy Mary's
Shared a bottled of Scotch we grew loud and lary
On the
Talisker I was off with the fairies
Threw me into the van and out to the country we sped
Gregory went a-wandrin' in the inclement weather
Then by the light of the moon he lost it altogther
Met a bloody great bull and chased it through the heather
I said "Aren't you scared?" the bull nodded his head

CHORUS

My friend John once said the Isle of Mann was thugless
So we did a gig in a dingy dive in Douglas
When we got outside some mangy mad Manx men mugged us
They took all our cash; four pounds twenty six
A drug dealer approached us hearing we're from Blighty
Said the smack was fifty and the Crack was ninety
Didn't want to offend; I turned him down politely
Said "I don't do drugs" then went off to get pissed

Finally back to Wales, back to the land of me fathers
Driving across the bridge singing
"Hymns & Arias"
Said we'd eat in Cardiff; what a fucking palava
Couldn't decide what to eat ended up with sod all
Next we're off to play Gwyl Celtaidd Abertawe
Singing Calon Lan in the style of David Bowie
Then we're partyin' in an inn in Pontardawe
Bonding all through the night I tell you we had a
ball                                  

(c) 2001 Katt Pie Records
Featured on albums:-

Celtic Bonding & Live In Tattihou